Dear My Youngmin

youngmin is just a name . A name that I used to call you .

Actually , I really don't know what should I write down here now while my heart is broken like this .
You said that you couldn't be a good boyfriend for me.
And slefishly you said I better off without you.
Youngminnie . . .
what you should know is you are the best. You always be the best one for me.
Youngmin , my youngmin , I've never found someone who's honest , too honest .
You said angrily that I should move on. where do I go?
All I know is , all I know is how to stand now . to stand alone again without you.
A thousand words couldn't discribe how hurt this pain inside.
It's not about having you, It's not.
Gosh, I feel stupid enough to write this here.
You asked me what love means and I couldn't explain it to you. 
My beloved kiddo youngmin, actually what love means is the feeling that I feel for you. Love means the heartbeats that I heard when I am around you. Love means when I am stupidly worried when you're not around me , crazily afraid losing you. That's love for me.
If I have time machine, I would make you stay .
If I have time machine, I would never let go your hand, never ever.
If I have time machine, I would give you a big hug like you give me.
If I have time machine, I would believe you. Just you and only you.
The night when you said that things and changed everything ... do you know what did I do that night? I'm thinking it hardly how to move on from you. Cause  not loving you is harder than you know. I said that I've never left even just once to leave all of these. I've been staying like this for you. You said I should leave them . Why? Why you always said that you're not a good one for me? I don't understand. 
Youngmin, Do you doubt yourself? Cause all I see you always said that you're not good. I believe you're good person youngmin. I don't even care what people say about you. I don't care the caste , I don't care at all. 
Don't you know that you're honest ? You're kind of guy who's really do everything with your heart. 
Youngmiin, You're too special till I can't move on even just one step.


R-ah . . .
saranghae :') jongmal saranghae ;')